Horror Movie Review: Santa’s Slay (2005)

Imagine if Santa wasn’t the happy, jolly figure we all know & love. Imagine he is the son of Satan who lost a bet with an angel & has had to be nice for the last 1000 years. Imagine that time has finally come to an end & Santa is now back to his old, evil ways. Oh & imagine Santa is played by ex-wrestler, Bill Goldberg…

I know, it sounds awesome & it kind of is…Let me explain.

It’s Christmas Eve in the Mason’s household & the family are sitting down to dinner even though they are dysfunctional as hell. It’s quite an amusing scene especially when you realise they are played by famous Jewish actors such as James Caan. Their happy meal is interrupted by Santa Claus coming down the chimney; he is filled to the brim with one-liners & violence.

Santa attacks & kills the family before setting off for the town of Hell on his sleigh led by his hell-deer (a massive red-eyed buffalo). Meanwhile in the town, teenager Nicholas is living with his grandfather who hates Christmas. The town thinks the man crazy & even Nicholas is having doubts about him. After a fight with his girlfriend, Mary, Nicholas decides to talk to his grandfather about the holiday & is taken to a secret bunker he has built to hide from Santa. He gives Nicholas an ancient book that reveals the truth about the jolly one.

He is effectively the anti-Christ…the bet has ended & Santa is free to slaughter on Christmas again.

Santa has come to the township of Hell looking for something & nothing will stand in his way. He sets about killing the townspeople in various Christmas-themed ways all the while spouting one-liners. Only Nicholas, his grandfather & Mary can stand in his way from destroying Christmas!

Let’s talk about the main attraction, Bill Goldberg who is just wonderful in an absolute cheesy-fest of a role. Being an ex-wrestler his physic makes him incredibly intimidating, he is huge. The dialogue he gets to spout is just amazingly bad….we are reaching so bad, its good territory here. Almost every line he speaks is in some reference to Christmas but with a nasty edge, I love it.

The rest of the cast pale in comparison as their screen time is eaten up by Santa. Their main roles being to run, hide & throw a quick Christmas joke in.

The body count is high throughout but surprisingly its light on gore, you get blood here & there but it’s more comic book style then gritty. The film is short & you can see the ending coming a mile away but it doesn’t stop it being a fun ride.

A fun, silly ride of a Christmas horror that plays out with its tongue firmly planted in its cheek. Enjoy the hammy performances & cheesy lines…after all, it’s Christmas!