Horror Movie Review: Goblin (2010)

That cover is one of the most mis-leading covers ever….

When someone mentions a goblin to you what is the first image that pops into your mind? For many it might be a variation of the Lord of the Rings goblin, for others it might be a more mythical version that comes to mind. For someone like myself I tend to think Discworld’s style of goblin. Shit, that cover will even do…

Whatever the name conjures up in your mind I’ll bet it isn’t the goblin on show in this train-wreck of a movie.

It opens in the 1800 as we see a small town performing a ritual over a bonfire where they throw in anything considered unclean. A young woman’s deformed baby is thrown in the bonfire, something she is pretty unhappy about. She reveals herself to be a witch & sets about cursing the town.

Every Halloween a goblin will come to the town & take away the children that live there & anyone that gets in its way will be killed. The goblin appears wrapped in a large black cloak & starts the slaughter…

Many, many years later Neil Perkins & his family are travelling to the cursed town (Hollowglen) with the intention of striking up a deal to start developing the town. Neil & is family consist of his wife, his daughter, her friend & wait for it…an infant boy. *evil snicker*

Attempts to warn them about the curse are met with disbelief & amused reactions but it’s not long before the goblin reappears & begins making a murderous beeline for the infant boy.

That’s the story…it turns into a movie where people run screaming from a black cloak with a not very scary face. People die; people live…careers are shortened. There are 3 things that made me dislike Goblin so much & both are pretty integral to enjoying a good horror flick.

1. Other then Neil Perkins (The wonderful Gil Bellows) the acting is pretty bad. In the case of the daughter/friend/random boys that turn up it’s horrific.

2. The goblin looks awful – most of the time it’s in a black cloak with a close up of a snarling face that reminds me of a gremlin. When it eventually loses its cloak it is a mess of CGI – low budget CGI that does no-one any favours.

3. Plot holes everywhere. Some so obvious that it becomes impossible to ignore & you’re left shaking your head sadly.

So what was good? Some of the deaths had me smiling & the film wasn’t afraid to kill off a few of the important characters. There was a great chase scene that saw one girl fall down like a ton of bricks…I almost choked on my coffee over that one.

Err…there’s a kind of twist at the ending that might come as a small surprise (the kind of surprise where you find £1 in your pocket) but it leads into a god-awful ending.

So much of the movie is done during the daylight hours & this really highlights the films lack of quality. One great actor isn’t enough to save a movie built around several bad actors & if you’re going to make the star the goblin, it better live up to its name. In this movie it never came close.