Horror Movie Review: Woodchipper Massacre (1988)

Woodchipper Massacre is a low-budget late-80’s horror comedy movie directed, written and produced by Jon McBride. Who also stars in it alongside Denice Edeal, Tom Casiello and Patricia McBride.

A ‘so bad it’s good’ movie, Woodchipper Massacre slowly but surely wins you over with its low-budget 80’s charm. From horrible acting, hilariously bad dialogue, incredibly dated looks and so many silly moments, it’s far more entertaining than it has any right to be. Especially as it lacks the ‘massacre’ part of the title and the ‘woodchipper’ is barely featured.

Siblings Jon, Denise and Thomas are left in the care of their Aunt Tess when their father leaves for the weekend. They are less than pleased by this as Aunt Tess is a real pain but they agree to get along with her for their father’s sake. Which makes the accidental murder of her a real problem. Yes, the kids end up killing her. Well, technically it’s the mullet-sporting youngster, Thomas that kills her when he accidently stabs her with his newly delivered authentic Rambo survival knife.

Ah… the 80s. When kids could just order hunting knives and get them delivered to their homes.

So, Aunt Tess is dead and the kids don’t know what to do. After much arguing back and forth, they come with an ingenious plan to dispose of her body. Throw it in the woodchipper! There’s only one problem, she’s too soft and will gum up the machinery. So first, they have to chop her up and then freeze the bits so it will move through the woodchipper smoothly.

The way in which these youngsters talk and take all this madness in their stride is just part of the reason this movie is hilarious. Even if it seems unintentional.

The kids manage to get rid of Aunt Tess and come up with a lie that would be unravelled almost immediately. As the movie proves when they get a visit from their cousin, the adult son of Aunt Tess. If you thought the movie was bad before, get a load of Kim. A character who can’t stop swearing and might be high on cocaine.

He wants to see his mother and isn’t buying the story the kids are telling him. Will he uncover the truth or will he also end up in the woodchipper?

Woodchipper Massacre really is a terrible movie. One that probably could have been half its runtime and still told a coherent story. At 90 minutes in length, it’s absurdly long and so much of that is dull conversations, long and pointless montages of nothing and a general feeling of repetitiveness. If all of that wasn’t bad enough, it’s almost completely absent of gore. Which might be the most absurd thing about a movie called Woodchipper Massacre. In fact, at times, you could easily mistake this for a sitcom.

So why is it a recommended watch? Because all of this, the nonsense of the story, the ham-fisted attempts at humour and general low-quality creates the perfect storm of entertaining rubbish. You won’t necessarily come away liking this but you will come away entertained.