Horror Movie Review: Wolf House (2016)

Wolf House is 67 minutes long & turns out to be 60 minutes too long. Even as a 7 minute short it would have still got a low rating but as a 67 minute long film it garners one of the lowest ratings possible.

Simply put, Wolf House is one of the worst horror movies ever. Devoid of decent acting, decent characters, decent scares, decent cinematography, decent audio or a decent plot. The ‘low budget’ excuse doesn’t fly here as there have been countless low budget offerings that are leagues ahead here. Instead the low budget seems to be trotted out as a excuse for exceptional poor quality.

An excuse for the same found footage mistakes to be made & an excuse for the lack of character depth.

There are no excuses for a horror this bad. A horror that is so nonsensical & poorly paced that even at 67 minutes long you’ll be constantly checking to see how much is left.

The plot is bare-bones. A group of bland & poorly acted nobodies who leave only the most basic of impressions are on a camping trip. Are they friends? Supposedly according to the film’s synopsis but you won’t know it as they have zero chemistry. One particularly enlightening scene sees a pair screaming “extreme” at each other in what has to be an attempt at parodying Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies. If so, fine…but why?

Anyway, the walking corpses end up killing some sort of sasquatch that they decide to take home with them. Unfortunately for them but fortunately for us, it was not alone & confusingly seems to have been part of some sort of human/sasquatch cult.

The group’s house is then assaulted by these creatures resulting in so much screaming, shaky camera work & vomit inducing spins that you’ll want to just hold your hands up & say ‘I’m out’.

Do you enjoy lots of shots of feet? How about obnoxious close-ups constantly? How about picture in picture making neither shot visible? Well if you don’t, tough! As that’s what the final 20 minutes of Wolf House is all about!

One of things I fail to understand is this. If your effects & costumes are so bad why make them so visible? Why have close ups of actors with makeup that a child could do on Halloween? Why show your ‘beast’ if it looks like an oversized puppet? Keep things in the darkness; keep us, the viewer, guessing as to what it might look like! Instead all mystique is destroyed with such laughable efforts.

That this, a found footage movie made in 2016, chooses to repeat every mistake made by the sub-genre to date & offer no redeeming moments is unforgivable. The Blair Witch Project came out in 1999 & this in 2016. Blair Witch looks like Inception compared to this dross.

Low budget? No excuses for such a terrible movie. Stop making found footage horror!