Horror Movie Review: Two Front Teeth (2006)

An ambitious effort that rises above its poor production quality to bleed Christmas fun. Two Front Teeth was written by Jamie Nash who also directed it alongside David Thomas Sckrabulis.

The star of the film is Gabe Snow (Johnny Francis Wolf), a reporter for the holiday-themed mag, The X-Mas Files. His story on a mysterious plane crash has made me him the man of the moment especially in the eyes of his editor (Michael Brecher).

His work-life is good but at home, things aren’t going so well. As well as being terrified of Santa and those dressed as the jolly fat man, Gabe’s wife Noelle (Megan Pearson) has been cheating on him.

The issues between them has to be put aside though when the couple are targeted by deformed and blood-thirsty elves. These creatures want information from Gabe, the source of his plane crash story and will stop at nothing to get it.

Realising the story must be bigger than even he thought and with his angry wife by his side, Gabe will have to fight for his Christmas. In what is quite simply a wacky, silly and over the top Yuletide horror.

Seriously, it’s hard to do this bonkers story justice in words and to spoil the craziness that comes as the film reaches its conclusion would be a disservice. It might look like crap being a super-low budget indie flick but Two Front Teeth makes up for it elsewhere.

For starters, it’s a horror comedy that has some legitimately funny moments but doesn’t force the jokes. This is no parody movie and when the blood drips it pours. The delivery of the two leads, Johnny Francis Wolf and Megan Pearson is wonderfully cheesy and entertaining. Yet they’re both throwing their all into the roles. This makes them all the more endearing and credit to the performer and writers, a cheating wife should not be this likeable!

The introduction of the one-liner spouting, bad-ass informant Pete (Joseph L. Johnson) really lifts the movie when it starts to run out of steam too. He’s such an 80’s action hero that fits the tone of this movie perfectly.

It all sounds amazing, right? Well, it is on everything mentioned above. However, to enjoy all of that you’re going to have to put up with some low-quality visuals. The movie can be really dark at times and while that does hide a lot of cheapness of the make-up/effects, it does make for a difficult watch.

If you can put up with that…and you should…you’ll find a wholly entertaining proper Christmas horror. One that gets really twisted while constantly having its tongue jammed firmly between its Two Front Teeth.