Horror Movie Review: The Pumpkin Karver (2006)

Jonathan (Michael Zara) is a teenage boy with troubles. Troubles that we’re not made aware of but is written on his face and actions as he sits at a table carving a pumpkin.

Part of his troubles is revealed shortly afterwards when his sister, Lynn (Amy Weber) has her boyfriend, Alec (David J. Wright) come over. This is guy is a grade-A arsehole and sets about bullying Jonathan while Lynn gets ready.

Done with his ‘horsing’ around with Jonathan, Alec decides to put on a scary pumpkin mask and attack Lynn. You know…for a prank. A prank that Jonathan is not part of. So when he sees a masked killer attacking his sister, he grabs a knife and stabs him to death.

Once he discovers it was Alec, he is distraught. Even though he probably shouldn’t be as the man was an absolute scumbag.

An undetermined amount of time passes and Lynn, hoping to help Jonathan get past the horrific events, takes him to a Halloween party. There they meet an ensemble of characters with no actual characters. Ones just built on tropes instead. Some seriously annoying tropes too. I’m sure we’re not supposed to root for the killer but a lot of these people couldn’t be killed fast enough!

Do you like stoners being over the top stoners? Do you like Austin Powers impressions? Do you like jocks and promiscuous characters? They’re all here and here to up the body count.

A body count that comes from a pumpkin-faced killer.

Jonathan is convinced that Alec has come back for revenge. However, all the clues seem to point towards it not being super-natural but Jonathan himself. Will he be able to prove his innocence and stop the killer before he finishes what he started?

In loudest way possible…who cares!?

The Pumpkin Karver is a shocker of horror. One that thinks it’s so damn clever but doesn’t have the writing to back it up. The plot is inane nonsense and nothing more then a poorly done slasher horror. However, the dialogue is the real icing on this shit cake. It’s gobsmacking in just how awful it is. Not a single character is believable. The longer it goes on, the more awkward it gets. It’s not the fault of the actors, well, some of them as when they’re not talking they can perform. It’s just terrible writing.

By time we reach the finale and the ‘big’ reveal, most will have already turned it off. Those that don’t won’t be rewarded for it. Don’t waste your time, this is a terrible horror movie.