Horror Movie Review: The Fright Before Christmas (2020)

From director John Johnson, who co-wrote it with Royce Hobson, and stars in it as Saint Nick, comes The Fright Before Christmas, an anthology festive horror, of sorts.

It’s Christmas Eve, and a party is underway, taking on the form of a home-movie being narrated by a character (Warren) which gives it an immediate comedic feel. It’s all fun and games, especially as each attendee is introduced and given a brief descriptor, until the foul-mouthed Saint Nick arrives. Killing the narrator, paralysing all other partygoers, and revealing that he has been summoned from the void to bring back the ancient tradition of telling spooky stories on Christmas.

What? Why? Who the f**k cares!? It’s silly and fun, beginning with a news recording regarding a Christmas massacre (in Nilbog for all you Troll 2 fans). This is a warning for the group Nick currently has ‘hostage’, as he is the perpetrator of the massacre and is planning another one here tonight. But first…

Up first is The Hook, and in it, a young couple are getting it on in a car when the song on the radio is interrupted by an important announcement. There’s been a breakout at the local insane asylum and a hook-handed murderer is on the loose. Yes, it’s as silly as it sounds, and played for laughs, which works. One clever touch is having the roles reversed with the man being anxious to get home and the woman talking him into staying. Anyway, of course the killer comes their way, and then it just ends in baffling fashion.

That disappointment is immediately fixed by Saint Nick reappearing, getting emotional about his guests lack of knowledge around the scary story situation, tormenting them, revealing his true identity as the true Santa Claus, and talking directly into the camera, continuing the ‘home movie’ style in silly fashion. John Johnson certainly throws himself into the role of the obnoxious Saint Nick, and early on, it’s clear that he’s going to be the one everyone remembers at the end.

The next story is a ghost story called The Haunted House, which Nick tells to one of his guests’ breasts, as you do.

In it, a priest has decided to stay in the Winthrop House, which is said to be so haunted no one has stayed there past midnight. His reasons? To stop any potential souls begin hurt in the future. It’s not the strongest of reasons, but it does result in the sight of a priest working to put a soul to rest. Spooky? Not in the slightest, but it is mildly entertaining. Again though, it just sort of ends.

Following more Saint Nick shenanigans (the poor actor who takes the present sack to the face), the next story is called The Babysitter. It tells a classic tale of a babysitter being tormented by a sinister phone call. The person on the other end of the line promises her that he is coming and feels the need to keep updating her about his progress. That’s funny, and this is a much stronger story as it draws from one of the most iconic Christmas horror movies ever, Black Christmas.

As Saint Nick starts to hunt the surviving partygoers down, the stories continue. First, there’s The White Wolf, one of the more atmospheric and horror-focused tales of the film. Where solid acting adds more drama than expected and the story plays out in super-serious fashion. Then there is Cold as Clay, a story set in an earlier time (showcased by the ugly sepia tone that comes with it) and surrounds a farmhand falling in love with someone he shouldn’t. There’s more to it, of course, but it’s so dull, it’s hardly worth remembering.

Now, you might be thinking that a lot of these stories don’t sound particularly Christmassy and you’re right, they’re not. Disappointingly the only actual festive aspects of this entire film is the Saint Nick stuff, and while that wraparound does feel suitably ‘holly jolly’, it’s not enough. There’s no sensible reason as to why these stories being told by the malevolent Saint Nick couldn’t have had a festive spin. It would have made the film so much more impactful, especially as it goes on, it starts to lose its lustre.

A major part of the problem is that the wraparound story is so dominant, and the silliness runs out of steam. Then you have individual stories that never rise above being decent. There’s simply nothing here that anyone will remember. Case in point? The Thing and its story that begins with two young males, outside, arguing about the merits of burgers and pizza. This goes on for about a minute, when finally, their conversation is interrupted by a figure in the distance who seems to disappear right before their eyes.

That’s strange, and then he reappears, approaching the men, who promptly run away. There’s a comedic moment as they discuss their reasons for running away and somehow rationalise themselves into going back. The man is still there, but this time the men get up close and realise that fear is a good thing, sometimes. Leading to an ending that is such a wet fart of an ending. Again, there’s nothing remarkable here and you’re constantly left feeling like it could have been so much better.

As the film reaches an hour, even John Johnson’s antics have become tiresome. It’s then another story about a haunted house called Me Tie Dough Ty Walker. If you’re thinking it’s a nonsensical title, you’re right, but it will make sense as this lacklustre story plays out.

The final part of the film focuses on Saint Nick and the surviving group, with the former getting laid several times. Then there’s a random cheesy Christmas sequence that looks like an advert, before we finally get the last story called The Big Toe.

If you made this far, congratulations. The Fright Before Christmas has overstayed its welcome and has failed to deliver anything worth remembering. It’s a shame, as the love and care put into it, is clear. It needed to be more Christmassy, it needed to be less reliant on the wraparound, and it needed better stories overall.