Horror Movie Review: Sorority Slaughterhouse (2016)


Eric Roberts is Dean Whitman & he has fallen in love with one of his students at a sorority house. He calls her to tell her that he’s told his wife & they can be together only to be turned down! Humiliated he shots himself in the head where some of his blood splatters onto a recently delivered voodoo clown doll, Bobo.

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His soul is transferred into the doll where he decides to go & kill the members of the sorority house in revenge.

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What we could have got was a pun-tastic horror romp filled with boobs & buckets of blood. A cross between the Chucky movies & the Puppet Master series but instead we get a terribly unfunny & disappointing film that is so boring Eric Roberts sounds like he’s falling asleep reading his lines.

He voices the clown doll in a mix of two voices. One is a stupid sounding high-pitched noise while the other is his normal voice except he sounds like he is narrating the dolls actions! He’s pretty terrible, clearly not interested in this at all.

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Amazingly he’s not the worst thing in the movie though! The rest of the cast, the sorority girls & one of their boyfriends are awful with characters that end at 4 letter words. Slut, Nerd, Mean…no matter what though it always comes back to sex.

The nerd character gets horny watching her friend kiss her fella so decides to go & write the rest of her steamy trash novel. Writing it though, she gets even more turned on so decides to crack out the vibrator which promptly runs out of batteries.

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Desperate, she decides to use the clown doll…that’s not funny, that’s just stupid.

What adds to the overall dumbness though is just how fake the doll actually looks. Not in a CGI kind of way but rather its general movements & what it is capable of.

It has the strength to pick up a baseball bat & knock someone out, it has the strength to strangle a woman with a skip-rope or hold her head under a bucket of bleach. This thing is only about 12 inches big (not my joke, the movies) & never looks like it’s capable of gripping anything!

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None of this really matters though as it’s such a boring watch you won’t care about the revelation that the Dean was under a spell put on him by one of the sorority members nor will you care about the horribly awkward lesbian love angle that’s jammed in at the end (not a pun, I swear).

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The ending is mercifully abrupt even if it’s a bit like the movie makers ran out of time so just said ‘fuck it’. After seducing the doll in another lengthy & painfully acted scene the last surviving sorority house girl shoves him into the garbage disposal resulting in an Evil Dead style bloodbath & that’s it. Mid-blood spurt the movie just ends.

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Phew.

Sorority Slaughterhouse
  • 3/10
    The Final Score - 3/10
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