Horror Movie Review: Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre (2015)

There is nothing like running an idea into the ground.

Following the surprise success of the idiotic Sharknado in 2013, there has been an absolute glutton of shark related sci-fi horror in the last 4 years. Don’t believe me? Sharknado 5 is due out soon. In 2012 we got 2-Headed Shark Attack followed by 3-Headed Shark Attack in 2015.

Avalanche Sharks in 2014, Ghost Shark in 2013 & its sequel Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws in 2015, Jersey Shore Shark Attack in 2012, Attack of the Jurassic Shark in 2012, Snow Shark in 2012…the list goes on & on.

Almost all these movies were straight to TV/DVD releases with low budgets, awful CGI & terrible casts made up of z-list celebrities, porn-stars & has-beens. It didn’t seem to matter if effort was put in; people were eating these movies up (pun intended) regardless of quality.

This brings us to Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre, a sci-fi horror that ticks all the boxes mentioned above. A cast made up of has-beens & porn-stars? Check. A basic, nonsense filled plot? Check. Awful CGI? Check? Hilariously bad acting? Check & god-damn check!

…but surely it’s entertaining at least? No, no it’s not.

The movie opens showing a pair of construction works blowing holes in the earth. This is fracking according to them. It’s not. They are just blowing holes in the ground. The result is them accidentally unleashing prehistoric sharks that can swim through both water & land.

Nearby a group of female prisoners are being taken out for a days hard work resulting in them getting caught up in the sharks attack. That’s it, that’s all the plot you’re going to get beside a sub-section regarding some of the prisoners trying to escape.

The cast are so lifeless, made up of current & former porn-stars who can barely manage a convincing line of dialogue between them. You’d think the film would try & make up for this with gratuitous nudity but nope, there is nothing. Not even a topless shot. If there was ever a movie that needed it, it’s this.

The shark moments are an absolute joke with far too many lulls in action. It’s not helped by some of the worst CGI you’ll ever see & glaring continuity errors. For example, in one scene a shark will be ripping up the ground but in the very next scene the ground will be perfectly fine.

Cheapness is no excuse for laziness.

Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre can’t even claim to be funny. The bad CGI & terrible acting might be amusing at first but 70 minutes in & it will have gotten old.

Utterly horrible.