Horror Movie Review: Pinup Dolls on Ice (2013)

A horror slasher, Pinup Dolls on Ice was written by Michael Penning and directed by the duo of Geoff Klein and Melissa Mira. It stars Karine Kerr, Suzi Lorraine and William Jarand.

The Pinup Girls are five-piece striptease act invited to perform over a weekend at the bar of their friend Joy (Suzy Lorraine). However, there is a killer on the loose. One who has already claimed a victim and now sets his targets on the girls.

Originality is not Pinup Dolls on Ice’s strong point. It’s every slasher horror ever with a brutish and over-sized villain. A group of victims happy to take their clothes off and a contrived backstory that is explained to us in detail during one exposition heavy scene.

However, that doesn’t make it a bad movie. In fact, Pinup Dolls on Ice has some entertaining moments and is very violent and gory.

The villain of the movie is Moe (William Jarand), a hulking figure of a man who communicates in grunts and screams. Kept in the shadows, with his face obscured by his long hair…he’s an interesting killer. Especially as he has no remorse and no qualms about walking into a house and killing everyone in sight. He’s one of the rare villains where back story just isn’t needed, let’s just have an insane monster with bloodlust. Instead we get a contrived explanation about an abusive mother and his obsession with ice.

This is revealed by the Sheriff in a hilariously lengthy scene. Where he explains the killer’s history to the surviving girls. So detailed (with flashbacks too) is his explanation that I was sure he was going to be revealed as being related to Moe ala Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something. Nope, he is killed literally moments later! The absurdity of him having such detail about the killer and then relaying all off that pretty much derails the entire film.

Before that though it’s solid enough with a cast who play the sexy pinup girls/victims in peril well enough. Not enough to remember them individually mind you but fine fodder for Moe to chase and kill. Something he does with gusto.

He’s the star of the film and his uber-violent outbreaks are great to watch. He has no softness about him at all and the blood is splattered gleefully around. The effects are decent and the grimy, gritty visual style against the striptease dance numbers that are more colourful works well.

It’s a shame though that the attempts to build suspense fall so very flat. It tries but it fails as the jump scare moments are painfully obvious and totally ineffective.

By time the finale is reached, most will just want it to end. It has played its best hand and is now just propping up the table with no chips left.