Horror Movie Review: Mayday (2019)

Directed by Massimiliano Cerchi and starring Michael Paré, Crystal Santos and Chanel Ryan. Mayday is horror movie set 35,000 feet in the air. It’s not snakes though or zombies that is the threat for these passengers. No, this flight has something much more demonic on it.

It’s been a while since we’ve watched a movie so bad that we have felt compelled to scream about it from the rooftops. To warn every would be sucker that what this film promises, it hilariously fails to deliver on. That even a seemingly strong cast will crash and burn when putting no effort in and spouting nonsense dialogue as if they’re reading off an autocue. That tension-building is not words that were ever used on set and that anyone, no matter their vocation, can land a commercial airplane.

It really is as bad as it sounds but don’t be fooled by the ‘dumb’ factor, this isn’t entertaining. It’s 75 minutes that feel like triple that on a long-haul flight with a baby crying up front and a bratty child kicking your chair from behind.

The ‘story’ surrounds a flight leaving from LA and going to London. A packed flight, with some regular flyers including air marshal Adam (Michael Paré) who acts like he wishes he was anywhere else instead of making this film. Then we have the obnoxious Clem ‘Smokey’ Williams (Scott Engrotti) who stinks up the screen in every scene. Newly-weds Penny (Elise Muller) and Mark Tillman (Christopher Drummond), the mysterious Rochelle (Crystal Santos) and the sweaty, weird and desperate to hold on to his briefcase, Nero Simms (Michael Wainwright).

Once the flight takes off, the lights begin to flicker then turn off briefly. Once back on, someone has disappeared into thin air. The first being Mark Tillman and eventually most of the plane’s passengers. Quite a big deal, right? Nope, not according to most of the people aboard and directly involved. It’s staggering how bad the writing is here as people disappearing into thin air is dealt with in the same way as though they had just got drunk and caused a scene.

Do the pilots turn around? Nope, they just carry on to London. Even when one of them disappears too! Do they call it in? Nope, only when there’s just a handful of passengers left, is a mayday call made. The film behaves so stupidly that it’s impossible to take seriously. Watching Michael Paré try to talk about a demonic entity (that everyone just presumes exists) without laughing is simply stunning. His and many other’s deliver their lines with such little enthusiasm that the over-riding sound most will hear are groans coming from your own mouth.

If all of that wasn’t bad enough, the film points out its villain almost immediately without any kind of subtly. I mean, maybe the person who suggested they had an interest in how humans react under stress might have some sort of involvement in it? Just one of the many terrible lines.

Even at 75 minutes long, it drags and drags. Attempting to make you care about certain characters in the laziest way possible. Most of that focus being on the two flight attendants who have zero chemistry. When one of them finally disappears, it’s a relief just so we don’t have to hear their inane gushing over each other anymore.

Of course, it ends with the demon begin vanquished by our hero Adam and then landing the plane, pretty much perfectly too. Wow. You have to try to make a movie this bad and the only reason it doesn’t get a 0/10 is because the opening credits are shot quite nicely.