Horror Movie Review: Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013)

I’ve been waiting for this. I’ve been waiting for the Christmas horror that would get the lowest possible score that we dish out here at GBHBL. It has come very close with a few getting 1/10 but here, in Krampus: The Christmas Devil we have our first 0/10 Christmas horror. Yes, it is that bad.

Krampus: The Christmas Devil (not that Krampus movie) is an absolute shocker from beginning to end. If it doesn’t make you want to claw your eyeballs out, it will leave you curled up in a ball crying for Santa to bring you a brick so you can bludgeon yourself to death. Anything to escape the memory of this horrible horror movie.

The nonsense that writer and director Jason Hull calls a story sees good old Krampus taking orders from Santa. Yes, you read that correctly. In this movie, Krampus is beholden to his brother Santa and kills kids who make the jolly one’s naughty list. Only until Christmas Eve though, Santa is very insistent about that. When he’s not swearing or being a dick towards kids. This Santa (Paul Ferm) is the absolute worst and not in an entertaining way.

At the beginning of the film we see how Krampus disposes of naughty children as he has one in a burlap sack and throws it in a frozen lake. This kid manages to escape and survive though, growing up to be a cop named Jeremy (A.J. Leslie). He’s still on Santa’s list though and years later the horned one is sent out to finish the job. If that wasn’t enough, a killer who Jeremy put away gets out and decides Christmas time is the perfect time for revenge.

Played by Bill Oberst Jr, who is often a delight, he can’t lift this mind-numbing rubbish.

It’s just so stupid yet played so seriously, you can’t help but think the joke is on us. No Krampus horror to date has made the legend seem so pathetic as this Krampus gets ordered around by a store-bought St. Nick. He’s not imposing either and sometimes moves like he was sped up in post-production. Not only that, we have Krampus taking women captive, stripping them of their clothes and keeping them chained up.

Horned and horny!? He really is the Christmas Devil!

Don’t get too excited, he’s kind enough to leave the woman her pants so if you’re hoping for full frontal, you’ll be disappointed.

The acting is woefully inept, the cinematography amateurish at best, the dialogue embarrassing and the horror elements completely lacking. Entertaining? Only if torture is your idea of fun. The worst Christmas horror.