Horror Movie Review: Killer Kites (2023)

It doesn’t get dumber than this, so why the hell is Killer Kites so damn entertaining then?

Written by Austin Frosch, who co-directed it Paul Dale, Killer Kites is a great example of how a ‘micro-budget’ horror flick can stand out simply because it refuses to take itself seriously at any point. A film where everyone, including the viewer, is in on the joke. Nobody expects this to be a good film, and by conventional standards it’s not, but through the filmmaker’s sheer passion and willingness to laugh at themselves, it ends up being quite a lot of fun to watch.

Manon Pages stars as Abby, a young woman whose recently deceased grandmother has left her a gift. A gift of a kite, something she has no use for, so she gives it to her brother Brain (Charlie Early) who is very excited to see it.

Why? Well, he recognises this kite as being a kite of the Third Reich. Something that was used in Nazi occult experiments, and it just gets sillier from there.

This kite is alive, and Brian ends up dead. Devastated by the loss of her brother (sort of), Abby decides to investigate the kite’s past, alongside her idiot co-worker Daniel (Carter Simoneaux) and against the express instructions of the mysterious Oracle (Zach Lee). What she will find out doesn’t just threaten her life, but the life of every single person on the planet.

It is absurd as it sounds, yet to keep this review concise, a lot of additional detail is being left out. Killer Kites’ goal seems to be to constantly up the ante when it comes to ridiculousness but does so in such a watchable way. Be under no false pretences though, Killer Kites is aggressively stupid, and that might be to much for many.

Killer Kites proudly wears this badge of stupidity on its lapel, and the actors are more than happy to buff it up. While characters are non-existent, the cast are giving it their all to make things as funny and silly as possible. All while having to pretend that they are dealing with a serious threat from a kite.

Let’s see you try and act when you’re pretending to bat away a killer flock of kites made up of bad CGI.

For every good joke, there are two bad ones, but when Killer Kites is funny, it’s really funny. Take the hilarious rundown of Abby’s crew and what she thinks will happen to them once they go into battle with the kite. That’s solid gold, played so straight, with epic music and all. Contrast that with jokes about the Kuntz Yeast Bread Festival, which are constant and not clever in the slightest.

Thankfully, the over-riding experience is one of fun. Even if you have to throw your brain in the garbage to get through its entire hour-plus runtime.