Horror Movie Review: Kill, Granny, Kill! (2014)

At just an hour long (excluding the credits and a post-credits scene that is a waste of time), Kill, Granny, Kill! should be palatable. Yet, thanks to a boorish story, awkward acting, and a lack of egregious gore (which this film really should have had), it ends up feeling twice the length.

It’s a bad movie when it really shouldn’t have been as it’s self-aware and silly. How do you screw up a movie about a murderous granny? Well, director Jacob Ennis (who co-wrote the story with Gregory W. Brock) found a way.

It starts off fairly energised as we see the titular elderly killer in action and see how she uses her kind and innocent ways to entrap her victims. It’s the film’s most exciting part as the hope and expectations of an over the top fun gorefest is still present.

Unfortunately, the introduction of Abby (Alicia M. Clark) is where the film starts to go downhill. Not because of her, she’s fine as a character and actor, but rather it’s here that the film decides to focus on her and her relationship dramas. It’s an hour long, who cares if Abby isn’t sure that she wants to stay with her boyfriend!?

Needing money, Abby decides to answer an ad for in-home help. Her employer? The killer granny, of course. Something that Abby is completely unaware of, seeing just a sweet old lady with some old-fashioned views and some odd things around the house.

She seems like she might be a good employer, provided Abby can follow her rules. In particular, the one about fornication under her roof. Guess what Abby does?

Will she be able to escape the grasp of the murderous OAP? Or will see end up on her dinner plate?

Oh yes, she’s a cannibal. In fact, the whole family is, and she has no problem feeding human meat to guests. Which does result in one of the film’s better scenes as a man of God enjoys a cooked penis a bit too much. Alas, the low budget means the grossest part of this, is the sound of him eating.

The low budget isn’t an issue overall though. Kill, Granny, Kill! is going for a ‘b-movie’ feel so the cheapness fits. It’s everything else and it doesn’t take long for the movie to run out steam completely. Tedium sets in, the story stalls, and the overall ridiculous nature of the film starts to feel extremely ordinary. Then it just ends, leaving some serious remorse for having spent even an hour on it.

It’s a missed opportunity that should have gone for a more slapstick and bloody tone. Instead, it’s just extremely boring and forgettable.