The Haunted House on Kirby Road is a rough watch. Incredibly boring, average acting, scares that fall flat at every turn & comedy that will leave you with a perplexed look on your face. Like…you’re not sure if it actually was a joke.
Opening with two nobodies wandering around an abandoned house found-footage style (sarcastic yay) they discover satanic symbols before being killed by something unseen. Wow…never seen that before.
It’s an opening that serves as a warning for the rest of the movie, expect nothing original.
A group of bland twenty-somethings decide to check out a rumoured local haunted house. They watch the video from the opening, which has somehow ended up on the internet & one of the group recognises the person in the video. This convinces them the house is worth checking out so off they go.
Once there, the house is nothing but a big disappointment with little in the way of decent visuals or scares. The eventual ghostly goings-on is very disappointing & it’s near impossible to care what happens to this characters. You’ll constantly be wondering just why the group continues to remain in the house when all they’re doing is sitting there & drinking.
It doesn’t help that they’re all extremely unlikable obsessed with sex & having a ‘good time’ even though they seem to have no concept of what that means.
The acting isn’t good. It’s not terrible but it’s such standard horror fare that these roles could have been played by almost anyone. When the horror starts, things improve slightly but with no logic or thinking behind the purpose of the house ghosts it just ends up being full of shoulder-shrugging moments.
It’s just not scary. It fails so severely on that front & the total lack of originality is embarrassing (oh look, it’s a Ouija board).
The Haunted House on Kirby Road