Horror Movie Review: Embrace of the Vampire – Remake (2013)

This is a bad one, a really bad one…

The original starred Alyssa Milano as a virginal woman who is haunted by a vampire played by Martin Kemp , It was released in 1995 & was hardly considered a classic yet somehow this remake is so much worse.

Embrace of the Vampire stars Sharon Hinnendael as Charlotte Hawthorn, a repressed virgin who has just transferred to a new university from a Catholic school. Charlotte is also suffering from thalassemia & she is alone since her mother’s death.

Well, at least she has a scholarship in fencing, right?

It’s at this fencing class that she meets the handsome & mysterious Professor Cole (Victor Webster). He takes an instant liking to Charlotte much to the annoyance of the rest of the class. As the movie rolls on Charlotte begins to have vivid daydreams & sleepwalks. Professor Cole pushes her harder & harder in fencing class & their relationship begins to become unprofessional.

There is a vampire in it but it takes way too long for him to show up. There are no prizes for guessing who the vampire is. From the very moment Professor Cole steps in frame he might as well have done so with his fangs out.

He’s taken a real liking to Charlotte but she is soon to learn that her fate is that of a vampire hunter!

Embrace of the Vampire is as stupid as it sounds. It’s boring with terrible characters, poorly acted & about as erotic as rubbing sandpaper over your genitals. It also has a hilariously abrupt ending. The movie limps towards a showdown between Charlotte & Professor Cole that occurs over a matter of minutes then ends in such a laughably poor way.

Not that it really matters in the context of the entire film. It’s not like it was a wild ride for 80 minutes before dropping that ending in. As the lead, Sharon Hinnendael does an absolute shocking job of it. She looks like she’d rather be anywhere else but there are also a few too many similarities with Kristen Stewart from the Twilight series, hardly a great choice to try & copy.

Another stake through the heart for taking vampires seriously as a horror threat.