Horror Movie Review: Critters Attack! (2019)

In 1986 a bunch of furry, spiky, evil and hungry aliens known as Krites escaped from a galactic prison. Chased by bounty hunters they landed on Earth where they set about doing what they do best…eating everyone and everything.

They made a movie about it called Critters as well as 3 more sequels between 1988 and 1992. One of which saw a young Leonardo DiCaprio make his feature film debut. Sadly, while the first film is well loved the sequels aren’t quite as popular. So come 1999 and the release of Critters 4, the series went quietly into the night.

Then seemingly out of nowhere, a prequel TV series called Critters: A New Binge arrived. Shortly followed by the fifth film in the series called Critters: Attack.

As a fan of the franchise, to see it return from the grave after so many years is very pleasing. It’s such a shame then to say that Critters: Attack is a bad movie. Not only is it boring but it barely tries, changes parts of the lore and ends so abruptly it seems as though everyone involved just wanted it to be over too.

Directed by Bobby Miller and written by Scott Lobdell, Critters: Attack stars Tashiana Washington as Drea. A young woman desperate to get into a fancy college even though they rejected her application. Her life isn’t quite what she hoped it would be but she is determined to get into the college no matter what.

Her priorities change though when the Krites arrive. Why are they on Earth again? Who knows! Either way they’re here and hungry but this time someone else has come along for the ride. A white Krite who happens to be a good one and who wants to stop the others from taking over the Earth.

Drea will have to team up with her younger brother, a couple of kids and Aunt D (Dee Wallace). The former a bounty hunter who has dealt with the Krites in the past. It’s implied that this is the same character she played in the first film but not explicitly said. Something about legal issues.

It doesn’t matter. She’s not in it much and when she is…it’s Dee Wallace for goodness sake, she’s great in everything! As is Tashiana Washington, the only one who ever seems to really be trying.

It’s shame the rest of the cast are so bland and pointless. Though they’re not helped by such a lacklustre story. This really should have been campy fun but instead it just feels like a chore. Even when get a gory scene involving the Krites it never lives up to expectations.

There are some positives though.

The Krites themselves look great, exactly as they did back in 1986 with no CGI. The film isn’t scared to splash the blood around and while its hardly hardcore, it’s still a pleasant sight. Then idea of a ‘good’ Krite isn’t the worst idea if it was handled better and could have development in future sequels.

The negatives far outweigh the positives though and by time the credits abruptly roll, you’ll likely feel relieved that it is over.