Horror Movie Review: A Feast of Flesh (2007)

Written and directed by Mike Watt, and starring Amy Lynn Best, Stacey Bartlebaugh-Gmys, and Sofiya Smirnova, A Feast of Flesh is a rough watch. As low-budget as it gets, with a lethargic story, bad acting, and horrible effects.

The premises surrounds a bordello of female vampires who have been having their way with their customers for a long time now. Often, killing the men and recruiting the women. One particular woman they welcome into their fold turns out to be a problem though. Her ex-boyfriend is looking for her, and alongside a group of hunters, sets about trying to destroy the vampires completely.

Damn, that almost makes A Feast of Flesh sound good.

It’s not though. The story is excruciatingly boring and slow, something made all the worse by the incredibly amateurish editing. There’s a film here, not a good one, but in the hands of more talented people, something that could have been passable. Instead, we have this trash. Where it plods along, offending the eyes with its ugliness and annoying the ears with its bad sound.

There are some notable names in the cast; the likes of Debbie Rochon and Sofiya Smirnova, but in the case of the latter, it’s clearly just a pay check and a chance for the film to advertise her as being a major attraction. Whereas the latter is one of the better actors (which really isn’t saying much) as she seems to revel in the ‘sexy’ vampire role. That’s about it though, and even then, they’re having to spout some really dodgy dialogue.

Of course, actors aren’t miracle workers, so it’s perhaps not fair to be too hard on this cast when they’re given nothing to work with because of the crappy script.

All of this should be enough to make it clear that this film is one to miss, but the effects have to be mentioned too. Low-budget or not, there’s no excuse for just how bad everything looks here. Is that supposed to be blood?

There’s nothing to recommend here. Regardless of what could have been in the hands of a better writer and director, this is what we have, and what we have is bad.