Game – Movie Review: BloodRayne: The Third Reich (2011)

We have been very vocal about how much of a hack we consider Uwe Boll. A director responsible for far too many video game adaptions and most of the worst ones you’ll ever watch. Movies like House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, Alone in the Dark II, Postal and the Bloodrayne movies.

The first one, Bloodrayne was released in 2005 and starred the likes of Kristanna Loken, Michael Madsen, Billy Zane, Udo Kier, Meat Loaf, Michelle Rodriguez and Ben Kingsley. It told the story of Rayne, a dhampir (half human, half vampire) who faces off against the vampire king, Kagan. It’s wasn’t the worst of Boll’s video game adaption films but it’s not far off. A talented cast, good setting and bloody moments can’t lift it out of its bland and tiresome hole. You can read our review here.

In 2007 it would get a sequel with the role of Rayne now being played by Natassia Malthe and the setting moving to the Old West. It’s absurd, especially when you consider the subject matter and makes the film all the more difficult to watch. It’s not a good film, not at all but when compared to the original it feels like the best thing ever. You can read our review here.

Two was enough but Boll is a hack so in 2011 we got the third Bloodrayne movie, called BloodRayne: The Third Reich. Yep, it’s a Nazi vampire horror with Boll once again taking on the directing job and Natassia Malthe reprising her role as the dhamphir Rayne. It also stars Michael Paré, Brendan Fletcher and Clint Howard.

This time round, the setting is World War II (obviously) and has Rayne fighting against Nazis in Europe alongside the French resistance. While wearing a hilariously impractical outfit that surely would have been to cold to wear, she battles Command Ekart Brand (Michael Paré). A Nazi villain who becomes a vampire himself and wishes to use Rayne’s blood to turn Hitler into an all-powerful dhampir. Aided by Dr. Wolfgang Mangler (Clint Howard) who has been studying vampires and how to do a decent German accent.

Along the way Rayne will kill some Nazis, take her clothes off, have sex with men and women, and bore the pants off everyone watching. Yeah, this is the worst of the bunch. Somehow, this is worse than both films combined.

The story isn’t the problem, Nazi’s wanting to use Rayne’s blood to make Hitler immortal is kind of a good idea but it’s told in the most boring way possible. With actor’s incapable of delivering the gravitas it requires or putting on such a poor show that it becomes a grand example of ‘picking up a pay check’. Actors like Clint Howard and Michael Paré can do good stuff but here, Boll turns them into gibbering idiots spouting dialogue that is hilariously bad.

It’s just so boring and its 76-minute run-time feels triple that. Even a ton of softcore porn can’t save this and there’s a ton of it. Captured by Nazis and trapped in the back of a truck on your way to your death? Have sex because that’s a normal thing to do.