Horror Movie Review: Beaks: The Movie (1987)

Beaks: The Movie is not as the title suggests, a movie version of some sort of bird related sitcom. Instead what it is, is a dull imitation of the 1963 Alfred Hitchcock classic, The Birds.

Directed by René Cardona Jr and starring Michelle Johnson and Christopher Atkins, unsurprisingly the plot surrounds birds. Birds that have unexplainably decided to start attacking people.

A farmer, attacked by his chicken gains the attention of the local press and reporter Vanessa (Johnson) is sent to interview him. She’s less than impressed with her assignment but duly does it alongside her cameraman and boyfriend, Peter (Atkins).

The farmer’s story ends up being just one of many bird related assaults around the world and they’re increasing in frequency. It seems as though the birds have had enough of humankind’s ecological assault and are now fighting back.

Sure sounds like The Birds doesn’t it?

Beaks: The Movie is not a homage. No, it is just a straight rip-off albeit one with far less talent, a much lower budget and a whole host of pigeons. The only thing Beaks does differently is that it ups the gore, however that seems to be to try and hide how unthreatening the feathered cast are.

Cue tons of slow-motion birds flying at people (many look like they were thrown), cooing softly and generally being as scary as, well, a pigeon! It just doesn’t work and Cardona Jr lacks the ability to make it. At best, you might get a laugh or two out of the absurdity of the ‘bird attack’ scenes.

However, the story and acting is no laughing matter. The former is so tepid, most of what is seen and heard will be forgotten by time the credits roll. The latter is as bad as you might expect, especially when we have a cast that are mostly dubbed aside from the two English speaking leads.

Two people who know exactly what they’re in and try about as hard as one of the pigeons do to seem menacing. Avoid Beaks: The Movie and just watch The Birds instead.