Horror Movie Review: Itsy Bitsy (2019)

Written by Jason Alvino, Bryan Dick and Micah Gallo, the latter also directed the movie, Itsy Bitsy is a spider horror movie. If, you’ve got a fear of the creepy crawlies then be warned, this is less Eight Legged Freaks and more Arachnophobia.

On the one hand, Itsy Bitsy can be praised for having some fantastic effects and wonderful cinematography. The latter making the spider in this film utterly terrifying. However, its story is so boring and its characters so bland, the film can only be seen as a disappointment. It tries hard but ultimately falls short.

The opening of movie showcases the origins of the films titular spider. A tribe in a jungle somewhere worships it where it remains dormant inside an urn. A group of treasure hunters arrive, kill the tribe and steal the urn. They take it back to America where one of the men sells it to an elderly man (Bruce Davison) who collects ancient relics.

Forget about that though for now. We have family drama to contend with as we’re introduced to the Spencer family. The mum, Kara (Elizabeth Roberts), teenage boy, Jesse (Arman Darbo) and the youngster of the family, Cambria (Chloe Perrin).

The family has seen much tragedy and are looking for a fresh start. Kara, being a nurse, is taking up a job looking after the elderly relic collector. They move in next door where we get many boring scenes of family conflict and not a lot else. Character development exists for Kara only, as we see she has a drug addiction and is struggling to move past a car crash that cost the life of another family member.

Yes, all very moving stuff if anyone could act like they really gave a damn. It’s not that they’re bad actors, in fact everyone does fine, it’s just this much family drama in a movie called Itsy Bitsy really isn’t needed.

Eventually, we get spider related antics when the urn selling deal goes wrong and the thief smashes it. This awakens the eight legged freak and we’re off and rolling. Sort of…

You see, the movie loves nothing more then to interrupt any potential creepy spider moment by cutting back to the family drama stuff. It would be infuriating if it wasn’t so boring.

Such a shame, as the spider in this film is glorious. No CGI, all practical effects resulting in some really gross and graphic moments. A huge amount of credit goes to the cinematography as this thing is shot in such a way, it always looks real.

Even if you love spiders, this thing will creep you out.

Predictably, as the movie goes on things begin to ramp up resulting in an all out battle for survival. As well as the family having to band together to defeat the spindly beastie resulting in them realising how much they all mean to each other.

Based on effects and shots alone, Itsy Bitsy is a modern masterpiece in horror. However, based on everything else it is a movie that trips and hits the ground hard, almost immediately.

Simply put, less predictable and uninspired family stuff and more spider stuff!