Horror Movie Review: Ring of Darkness (2004)

When you hear the name ‘David DeCoteau’ you can’t be blamed for thinking about homoerotic horror. Over the last decade he has made a name for himself with the 1313 movie series. If you watch one of those movies you won’t be surprised to see many a topless man cavorting with another as the movies are directly aimed at the gay male audience.

Why is this relevant? Well, on face value Ring of Darkness looks like it might be a similar movie. However after watching it, if there were any homoerotic elements I didn’t really notice. Unless the pretty looking boyband who either eat or suck the blood of the band members being kicked out counts…

Oh, also the striping down to their underwear, showing off their washboard abs and rubbing their victims down.

That’s the crux of the story, the boy band Take Ten are the hottest act around. I mean they’re so hot that an open audition for a new singer attracts thousands. We don’t actually see this many and we only witness a few of the auditions. One of which is Shawn (Stephen Martines) a rebel wannabe who doesn’t even want to audition but does so because of his girlfriend.

Shawn is the star of the movie but is such a giant douchebag that you’ll be hoping the demonic band kill him as quickly as possible. He’s arrogant, sullen and behaves really childishly all because he wants to make ‘real music’. While walking around with an acoustic guitar strapped to his back all the time.

He’s so passionate about his ‘music’ that he is pressured into auditioning by his girlfriend of only a few months and aces it. He’s not the only one as two others are also chosen to go to an island retreat. There the band put them through the ropes to decide who is the new member.

It’s fairly obvious from the start that Shawn is going to be chosen but then again, Ring of Darkness isn’t shy about showing its hands as early as possible. Even as the movie starts, we see the band dispose of their latest singer implying they are either vampires or zombies or something else. It’s never really made clear just what they are even with the exposition heavy ending. I guess they’re demons?

If you manage to make it to that point, congratulations but you’re going to have to wade through some serious crap. The movie is shot poorly, the acting ranges from horrendous to eye-stabbingly horrendous, the plot is contrived and the ending is lacklustre.

That is has the audacity to throw in a twist too is the final nail in the coffin. It’s not a clever twist and it actually makes no sense but hey, if hearing the same auto-tuned dance numbers over and over again is your jam, then maybe you’ll enjoy Ring of Darkness.