Horror Movie Review: Breeders (1997 – Remake)

Up there as the ultimate remake that no-one was asking for, Breeders (1997) is somehow only marginally better than the original and that is only the case because of how awful the 1986 film was.

The original was a horrendously acted and poorly made sci-fi horror that seemed to think it could cost by on gratuitous nudity. It couldn’t. You can read our full review of it here.

So, in 1997 for reasons that no person could understand, it was remade also going under the name, Deadly Instincts. The result is a boring, ugly mess of a film that only decent creature effects and marginally improved acting make it anything worth mentioning. Even then it’s a real difficult film to sit through.

The movie opens in the worst possible way with an awful looking CGI meteor crashing into a college. From this wreckage comes a woman dressed in a ‘sexy’ PVC outfit and the monster. The latter is a vast improvement over what came in 1986, it’s just a pity it is really under-utilised.

We then meet Ashley (Todd Jensen), a professor at the college who falls for one of his students, Louise (Samantha Womack). Of course, this is frowned upon, something Ashley is all to aware of but incapable of keeping it a secret. It’s not long before the college head (Melanie Walters) finds out and she orders him to end it or he’ll lose his job.

While Ashley and Louise should be the main focus of the film, seemingly to pad the run-time loads of minor characters like police officers are given screen time just to up the body count. All are completely pointless, none more so than the detective that starts to suspect that Ashley is responsible for the sudden spate of missing girls.

It makes for a disjointed watch as we have to spend far too much time watching pointless characters explore dark tunnels before being killed (often off-screen) by the alien creature that has taken up residence under the college.

By time the focus is put back on Ashley and Louise it’s the film’s finale and you’ll likely be desperate for it to end. Now, both characters are played to the best of the actor’s abilities and neither is unwatchable. However, neither really impresses as their characters are so basic and so uninteresting. Even the best in the world would struggle with dialogue this bad.

For no good reason the plot of the movie starts to be come really convoluted as the film progresses. Dropping in some pointless sub-plots that really weren’t necessary when we’re dealing with an alien creature that wants to spread its seed.

The alien PVC girl is such a confusing addition that wasn’t part of the original. In fact, by the end it’s clear her role is just to spout off exposition.

It shouldn’t have been difficult to improve upon the original movie yet this 1997 edition only just about does it. What it changes doesn’t improve it and those hoping for as much nudity as the original will be very disappointed. Although it does have it’s share of naked women showering.

Hilariously, Breeders even tries to sequel bait once it has gotten through it’s lacklustre ending. Let’s just forget about that now, eh?

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