Horror Movie Review: Zombies (2017)

Zombies was released on September 29^th 2017. It gained some notoriety due to the fact that it was released via the Romero Pictures production company, amongst others. Also, it is believed to be a loose adaptation of a novel by A. M. Esmonde’s called Dead Pulse. I only mention this because that novel was inspired by the work of George Romero.  The only reason why Romero Pictures is involved in this movie is because Cameron Romero (George’s son) is a producer.

With the world in shambles, plagued by a zombie outbreak, Luke works to clear the streets of the undead, helping anyone left unscathed. After a rescue mission goes off the road, Luke is saved by his old flame, Bena (Raina Hein). Back at camp, they join up with Detective Sommers (Tony Todd) before they are over run by a horde of the undead.

Now, that may seem like a short description for a movie that is an hour and 24 minutes long but that is basically Zombies. I found it funny that the film opens with “Cameron Romero presents, Zombies”. Cameron is listed as one of many producers in the credits; this is well after a number of executive producers. It just makes you wonder, how much involvement did he really have? Also, just because he has the Romero name that doesn’t automatically make him credible in the genre. Anyway, it’s obvious that this was done to trick poor fools like myself into thinking I was about to see something worthwhile.

Zombies is the kind of bad horror movie that you find difficult to breakdown exactly how it is bad. There is just so many things wrong with it; it’s difficult to know where to start. Firstly, Zombies biggest crime is that it’s boring. The characters are one dimensional, extremely expendable and forgettable. Secondly, the performances from just about everyone involved are horrendous. Steven Luke, who plays Luke, is the main character. You follow him throughout the movie and he’s just awful. He delivers lines with a distinct lack of emotion or really any kind of expression at all. He looks bored for the entire film, even during moments that are supposed to be sad.

Tony Todd, why did you do this movie? Todd has proven in the past that he can deliver quality performances, this isn’t one of them. He has some of the worst lines in the movie. That got me thinking that it must be the script for the film that sucks. Either Tony Todd is phoning it in or the script was written by an imbecile, I’m going to go with the latter.

Zombies felt like an adaption of the video game State of Decay. You follow a replaceable, disposable guy as he roams the land looking for survivors and supplies. There is no real story to be had, other than the group planning to move to a different destination. I liked how Luke would fight zombies with his fists. He punches and kicks some of them and they die, I’m not joking.

Also, Zombies doesn’t do a good job of explaining how characters even know each other. It quickly brushes past important plot information or doesn’t even bother telling you anything. There is a woman with an eye patch who has gone insane. She has slaughtered a bunch of people and for some reason zombies don’t attack her. Anyway, she fights Luke and her eye patch is knocked off. Her eye is all messed up but it’s never explained what any of it means. It doesn’t even matter anyway because Luke kills her.

The effects are for the most part, terrible. There is one of two moments where it doesn’t look too bad for a TV movie. One character kills zombies with two batons and you can clearly see that they are foam. On another occasion you can see without a doubt that a dead zombie blinks. It’s just a simple lack of caring in any way. Why not just do a second take?

As with any movie that is as bad as this one, there is some entertainment to be had. The horrible dialogue, cheesy acting and video game esque effects will have you laughing throughout.

Finally, I have to mention the ending. There is a pointless romance in the film involving Luke and a woman called Bena. She dies in a way that can only be described as a complete rip-off of Frank Darabont’s ending to The Mist.

Overall, Zombies is right up there as one of the worst zombie movies that I have ever seen.