Horror Movie Review: Lumberjack Man (2015)

At a shocking length of 105 minutes, any entertainment that could have been gained from Lumberjack Man is quickly forgotten as it drags on and on. It’s a pity really as Lumberjack Man silly approach to the slasher horror does result in some fun segments & exciting deaths scenes.

A group of ‘kids’ arrive at the Good Friends Church Camp for a fun pancake filled spring break. Awful acting, terrible jokes, a shit ton of topless nudity (seriously, you’ll be sick of boobs by the end of this film) & not enough violence. Lumberjack Man thinks it’s way funnier then it is & ten minutes of gratuitous oily boob rubbing doesn’t make for an entertaining watch.

Seriously… it doesn’t.

Things pick up though when the slaughter begins. A huge hulking beast of a man just starts killing the members of the Christian Camp & using their blood as syrup for the giant pancakes he carts around.

I’m not kidding, that’s actually what happens.

Later it is revealed that the killer was murdered for his amazing pancake recipe so has returned from the grave to get his revenge. Its bat-shit crazy but does result in some fantastic looking deaths. Look no further then the killer ‘tapping’ one of his victims…he seriously smashes a tap into her forehead, turns it on & watches the blood flow out of the faucet onto his flapjacks!

Another great death scene sees someone running at speed into a waist high saw. His legs keep running for a few metres before he looks down to see he has been cut in half. That’s fucking great!

Still, somehow this movie is 105 minutes long. The problem is that far too many scenes are stretched to breaking point. Gratuitous shots of boobs make up at least 15-20 minutes of this film & you could have easily cut 30 of it’s overall runtime (it would have been way better for it too).

Don’t expect competent acting, most aren’t even trying & the one famous name is clearly there for the pay day (Michael Madson).

That being said, I did get a kick out of a lot of the horror elements of Lumberjack Man. When it dials up the gore & violence it really is a lot of fun.