Horror Movie Review: Female Mercenaries on Zombie Island (1998)

It’s always fun to go back and watch these straight to video releases from the 80s and 90s that have had a recent resurgence, thanks to streaming services. However, it rarely results in something good. In some cases, the general awfulness can be overlooked and enjoyed because of what it is, in other cases, you can see the poor quality coming a mile away.

Guess which case applies to Female Mercenaries on Zombie Island? This should give you a clue.

It was originally released in 1995 as Zombie Holocaust but was later re-released in 1998 as Female Mercenaries on Zombie Island. Where its original 90-minute runtime was extended to 113-minutes. Yes, this film is nearly 2hours long and what do you get for your extra 23-minutes? More female nudity and more story exposition. Turning an already dull experience into something pretty unwatchable, and that’s before you take into account the visuals, sound, and acting.

Directed by Gary Whitson, who co-wrote the ‘story’ with Bill Baylis, Female Mercenaries on Zombie Island is a terrible movie, and few will be able to make it to the end.

The ‘story’ is a mishmash of different genre ideas where no-one has the talent to do any of it well. First, detailing the end of the world, via asteroid, and the post-apocalyptic life that the survivors must live within. Then, there’s a mad scientist who had perfected brain transplants, putting the brains of powerful men into young bodies. She deviously added her own electronic device though and was able to control the men so women could be in charge.

Something… something… world domination. Two heroes who are the only ones who can stop her. Also, there are cannibals and plenty of naked women.

It’s all so stupid, and that could have worked in the film’s favour if it was played for fun. Instead, Female Mercenaries on Zombie Island thinks it is a serious movie with serious things to say and serious things to show. Yet, there is no talent in this movie capable of making it work.

The writing, the directing, the camerawork, the sound people, the effect creators, the actors… there’s not a single person with talent in this movie.

Even by low budget standards, it looks and sounds like trash, but what really makes this such a horrible movie is the lack of edits. It’s almost like everything that was filmed was included and most of it didn’t need to be. Cut out all the dross and you have a 5-minute movie at most. Which would still be awful.

If you do somehow make it to the very end without our eyes and ears bleeding, you will have wasted nearly two hours of your life. Go watch paint dry, go get needles pushed under your fingernails, or go and scream into the void. All of this is more enjoyable then watching Female Mercenaries on Zombie Island.