Horror Movie Review: Frozen Scream (1975)

Frozen Scream is not just one of the worst movies to get caught up in the infamous video nasty scandal of the 80’s in the UK, it is one of the worst horror movies ever made.

Directed by Frank Roach, a quick look the number of people involved in the writing of this movie goes some way to explaining just how rubbish the story is. Some way, not all the way though. The story comes from Renee Harmon and Doug Ferrin but we have a screenplay by Ferrin himself, alongside Celeste Hammond and Michael Sonye. That’s way to many people for what is a boorish and unintentionally hilarious play on the ‘zombie’.

Take a drink every time someone says ‘immortality’ in this film, you will be steaming drunk by the half-way point. Which might sound like a fun way to watch this rubbish but take our word for it, it won’t help.

Two scientists, Dr. Stanhope (Renee Harmon) and Dr. Johnsson (Lee James) believe they have unlocked the secrets of immortality (drink!). Unfortunately, it involves their subjects becoming mindless zombies whose body temperatures need to be kept super-low. Now the film’s title makes sense.

It’s not the most useful of results and the pair constantly clash over how they progress. Which is made worse when those who initially agreed to take part in the experiments and are now getting cold feet, are killed by men in robes. This is how the film opens, as we see Tom (Wolf Muser), a once willing participant, being murdered as his wife Ann (Lynne Kocol) watches on.

Ann is the main star, wanting to know who was responsible for killing her husband and through her digging, finding out about just what Stanhope and Johnsson are up too. Probably something Det. Sgt. Kevin McGuire (Thomas McGowan) should be doing but he’s too busy simping over her as she’s his ex and he sees this as chance to get back with her.

Without a shadow of doubt, he is the worst character in the film but often the one given the most prominence. Doing voiceovers to explain his feelings and what he plans to do to get Ann back. Always while characters are still talking, so you get this cacophony of voices.

It’s just one of the many unintentionally hilarious moments but don’t be fooled, it’s not entertaining. That word doesn’t belong anywhere near this movie as its plot gets absurdly convoluted and the movie does a terrible job of explaining it. Even though the characters try and try. The actors are not up to the task though but how can you blame them when the film constantly cuts to flashbacks and random dream sequences?

Its story is terrible, it looks terrible, it sounds terrible and it is acted terribly. What about the gore? The thing that made it appear on the nasty list? One can only presume that the censors started watching this, fell asleep through sheer boredom, woke up at the end and decided to just not bother. There are a handful of scenes that involve blood and each can be called tame, if not a bit gratuitous.

It remains uncertified and unavailable in the UK. You’re not missing out.