Game – Movie Review: Far Cry (2008)

Uwe Boll. The bane of video games.

Why? If you don’t know, he has been responsible for many, many video game to movie adaptions. Which might sound like a positive thing, except he is absolutely terrible at it. We know, we have watched almost all his work to date. House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, Alone in the Dark II, BloodRayne, BloodRayne 2: Deliverance, BloodRayne: The Third Reich and Postal. Each one, terrible in their own way. Each time, we were convinced we’d seen the worst he had to offer.

…and then we watched Far Cry. An action movie loosely adapted from the video game of the same name and when we say ‘loosely’ we mean loose! As far as an adaption of a video game goes, it’s barely worth mentioning as most will have forgotten Far Cry’s roots by now. The video game series has changed a lot over the years, finally hitting its stride with the 3rd game and since then, the series has never looked back.

Is it a faithful adaption? Absolutely not. Does it feel like a video game? Absolutely not. So, what does it share in common with the game? Character names, a shirt, an island and genetic experiments. Strap yourself in, this is going to be a rough ride.

The story surrounds the work of Dr. Krieger (Udo Kier) who is trying to create the ultimate weapon for his shady employers on a remote island. He is experimenting on human test subjects to create an invincible super-solider and we’re introduced to this going wrong as a squad of soldiers are destroyed by a lone subject.

Dr. Krieger is instructed to stop his work but refuses and carries on.

Valerie Cardinal (Emmanuelle Vaugier) is a journalist investigating the secret events taking place on the island and plans to go there to meet with her informant. Jack Carver (Til Schweiger) is a retired special forces soldier who takes tourists out to sea to see whales and gets drunk. Unsurprisingly the pair meet, have zero chemistry and he agrees to take her to the island.

On route, Valerie reveals to Jack that her informant is actually her uncle and that they served together which Jack denies. Why would he deny that, you ask? It’s because he wants to forget his past or some rubbish like that.

Anyway, her uncle is caught by Dr. Krieger and his second in command and tortured into revealing the meeting location. This results in Valerie being captured and Jack escaping as his boat is blown up. Alone in the island, surrounded by deadly threats and a damsel in distress, Jack will have to go back to basics to win the day.

Blah, blah, blah. The story is horrendous and about as interesting as watching paint dry… in each room of a 20-room mansion. It doesn’t help that these characters are so ill-defined that caring about their plight is not going to happen. The actors know how bad this is, so put almost no effort in. The likes of Keir, Vaugier and Schweiger have had long careers so it has got to be the fault of the directing and writing. Which really shouldn’t come as surprise as the latter results in some of cringe-inducing moments, pieces of dialogue and sequences.

Take the flirting between Carver and Valerie. The pair have no chemistry at all and just come across awkward around each other. It’s like watching a sex scene with your parents even while being alone. The pair do have sex and for the rest of the movie Carver moans about being rated 2/10 in bed by her. It’s supposed to come across cheeky and charming but you’ll just end up praying one of the test subjects rip him in half so he shuts up.

Talking of which… the main villains. A bunch of jacked up dudes with a bit of makeup on them to make them look like lab-subjects. It really is as boring as it sounds, action scenes are few and far between (which makes no sense) until the finale when it just goes on and on and on.

Is this the worst Uwe Boll video game movie adaption? It’s a mighty fine contender.