Horror Movie Review: One Eyed Monster (2008)

Plant your tongue in your cheek & relax…this is not a horror movie to take seriously in any way. If the title wasn’t enough to convince you that this movie doesn’t take itself seriously then the cast list would.

Starring a number of porn stars that include Ron Jeremy the story is straightforward enough. A group of young & old porn stars are staying at a cabin in the mountains to film an upcoming flick. There is a lot of resentment between the younger women of the group & the older woman who feels she is ‘past it’. The younger men respect Ron but have less brain cells then your average pigeon.

During the shoot Ron goes to use the toilet & gets possessed by an alien life form which, during a scene, takes over & violently damages his co-star. During the resulting panic Ron’s infamous penis detaches itself & runs for the hill. The rest of the movie is the cast begin picked off by the evil dick.

Ok first off lets clear something up…this is not a porn movie. With that cast, that description & that rating you could be lead to believe it is. It is not, in fact there is more nudity & sex in your average episode of Game of Thrones. Other then a boob shot, a disembodied dick (which is clearly a dildo) & the implied actions & noises (nothing is seen) the film is innocent. In fact the most graphic thing is the language. Lots & lots of swearing….

The cast is decent enough for what is needed, the women play bimbos & men play just as dumb. The director (of the movie they are making) is an asshole, the cameraman a good guy & the light guy a nerd. All standard stuff & it serves its purpose, most of them are there to die & die they do.

One girl dies by getting the monster dick rammed through her head, another guy dies trying to get away & confusing the gear stick with, well, you know…

It’s not as funny as it may seem but it does have some standout comedy moments such as Ron Jeremy’s dying words. He turns to his cameraman & says “Do you remember that time I fucked that girl?” I couldn’t help but laugh at that (Ron is said to have starred in over 2000 movies). Or when one of the girls finds her co-star’s dead body & runs shouting into the room “so & so has a giant dick in her mouth”. The reaction is priceless; it’s a collective shrug & “so what?” until she adds that it’s not attached to anyone.

The film has 1 moment that I actually thought was kind of creepy though. A plan to lure the dick into a trap fails resulting in 2 characters deaths. 1 of them starts asking politely to be let out of the locked room. Smartly they realise something is wrong & see that the dick has possessed him. The possessed character continues to ask politely while giving a super-freaky stare before his voice changes & he threatens them all with death. It’s so far-removed from the tone of the rest of the movie that it sent chills down my spine.

The entire movie is a send-up of the porn industry & Ron Jeremy even talks about how it used to be in the industry (before the internet & webcams). He talks of being a dying bred & also acknowledges that he has no right being a porn star with his looks but laughing at himself is what made him a star. It’s a really good scene.

I won’t spoil the ending of the movie for you suffice to say it is very unique & has a slight cliff hanger!

A much better movie then I could have ever expected & the way in which it pokes fun at the porn industry made me laugh. The latter half of the movie drags a little & the introduction of a ‘nam veteran with a story to tell was a bit unnecessary & felt like filler.